One factor stems from things surrounding the move; like getting ready to move our family of seven, not wanting to leave friends, facing an upcoming move in two weeks yet not being able to pack and am having to place my trust in someone else to pack our lives up, fretting about all the pre-cleaning I want to do before I have my in-laws come over to help me clean the house before we leave, not being able to have our typical Christmas traditions and decorations this year because of the move, and about a hundred other pre-, during, and post-move related things I worry about.
Another factor is the health of our household. In the past week I have learned that Emmy is a secret food hoarder in the side of his cheek and now is in need of a crown because of a cavity I didn't know he had, dealt with Emmett and Garrett both getting croup - Emmy getting a very hard case of it, watching Emmy's croup develop into pneumonia and seeing him spit up blood and drop weight, and now I have Owen and the baby both starting in on yucky coughs and Emmett fighting dehydration from running a 104 fever all week long and feeling so yucky that he hasn't been eating or drinking. When a mama bear's cub aren't feeling good, she stresses out a bit staying up at nights with little ones and trying to make them better.
Between these two things, I guess my stress level is code red. I'm not snapping at people or anything, but Scott is learning to recognize some of the signs - not eating, quieter than normal, daily headaches, stomach ulcers acting up. (Plus the dark circles under my eyes seem to be a big visual indicator!)
So tonight Scott encouraged me to take a break from re-organizing the house and to head to the temple. Gratefully I went. It was so calming and relaxing there inside the temple. I took special note of how happy I was to take my watch off - it was like disconnecting myself from all the worries and constraints that usually follow me wherever I go. I did my five family names and headed out.
The sun had set while I was inside, so the valley outside the Provo temple was all dark and there were houses lit up in Christmas lights here there. The fountain outside the front door was glowing brightly as the water danced in a silent rhythm. I was so relaxed and comfortable just standing there, despite the chill in the air.
When I decide that I finally needed to head home, I said a simple, audible prayer of gratitude: "Oh Heavenly Father, it feels so good to be home." I don't know why those words chose to come out, and at first I felt a little silly about what I said, and the fact that I had said it out loud.
But then I thought about it. Being in the temple does give me that feeling of being home. A place where I belong and where I am so deeply loved. Without thinking about how to phrase the feelings of my heart, I got the prayer right. It does feel good to be home. And one day, I will truly be home in my Heavenly Father's presence with my own little eternal family, and we will all get to feel that reassuring peace forever!
I hope at that day that my naive innocence will blurt out once again without thinking, "Oh Heavenly Father, it feels so good to be home."
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